I.  HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND DEAL WITH STRESS

II. TYPES OF STRESS

III. STRESS ON THE MILITARY FAMILY

IV. COMMON REACTIONS TO STRESS

V.  THE RELATIONSHIP OF STRESS AND PERFORMANCE

VI.  POSITIVE STRESS MANAGEMENT

VII.    AVOIDING STRESS

VIII. BERNSTEIN'S PRESCRIPTION

I. HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND DEAL WITH STRESS

STRESS CAN BE CAUSED BY ANYTHING THAT:
    - THREATENS US!

        - PRODS US!

            - SCARES US!

                    - WORRIES US!

                           - THRILLS US!

- THE RATE OF WEAR AND TEAR ON THE BODY or

-  ANY DISRUPTIVE INFLUENCE IN A PERSON: PHYSICAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL OR SPIRITUAL or

- ANYTHING THAT UPSETS THE BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE.

In any extremely stressful situation we will have the tendency to experience the Fight or Flight Response.

The following table indicates:

1. The bodily changes which automatically take place when we are subjected to stress;

2. The reasons and the adaptive functions of each change, and

3. The physical problems for each change that result from chronic stress.

It is clear that the automatic stress response that we inherited would have been essential when the stressors encountered required us to either fight or flee. However, most stressors today do not involve this form of adjustment, as we are usually required to remain clam and immobile.Consequently, our body’s response to chronic stress may result in a variety of physical problems if we do not find ways to make the automatic response of the body work for rather than against us.

Directions: Underline any of the physical symptoms listed that you have experienced. Then see if you can identify any chronic stressful conditions that may have preceded the onset of the stress symptom.

Body Change Reason Results of Chronic Stress

Tense Muscles Quick Reaction Cramps, Headache, backache, fatigue

Rapid, shallow breathing More oxygen Hyperventilation

Increased Heart Rate More blood High blood pressure, heart attack

Digestion stops Not needed Ulcers, indigestion, colitis, diarrhea

Constricted blood flow Blood not required Ulcers, blackouts, skin problems

Increased perspiration Cooling down Loss of fluid, body odor

Bowels loosened Digestion stopped Spastic colon, colitis

Liver produces sugar Energy Hypoglycemia, diabetes

Increased red corpuscles Clots blood Clots in blood stream

Increased white cells Fight infection Immune system not function

Decreased in saliva Digestion stopped Dry mouth, poor digestion

Increased fat in blood Energy Cholesterol build-up

II. TYPES OF STRESS:

PHYSICAL STRESS can be caused by an injury, a virus, an extreme temperature change, a foreign body, exhaustion or many other irritants.

PSYCHOLOGICAL STRESS is usually from some form of threat to security, self-esteem, way of life, or safety. The threat produces fear. . .especially fear of loss. Another major threat is uncertainty. The greatest cause of uncertainty is change. Sometimes changes are also losses. The combination of change and of loss contributes enormously to excess stress.

RELATIONAL STRESS comes from the relationships in your life. The classic case example of how this works is when "The man gets yelled at while at work, so he goes home and yells at his wife. She gets mad and takes it out on the children, so they kick the dog, who bites the cat, who scratches the furniture, which makes the man angry.....and starts the cycle over." Our life involves many relationships which can produce stress in our lives.

Some of the symptoms of this type of stress are:
    - Communication Problems (Emotional Distance)

    - Inappropriate Emotions (To Include: Anger, Crying, Laughter)

    - Low work productivity

    - Sleeping apart

    - Back-biting and gossip. Cutting remarks in conversation.

    - Building "sides" and allies

    -  Separate activities

III. STRESS ON THE MILITARY FAMILY

1. Financial Pressures - Low pay and having dependents to support, coupled with the high cost of housing today, create a great deal of pressure in many people’s lives.

2. Family Separation - Both during basic training and tours of duty, military men and women are separated from family members for extended periods of time. This separation makes an already peripheral parent even less involved in the development of the children, as well as less involved in the development of a relationship with the spouse. Additionally, reunification can be as stressful as it is joyful.

3. Geographic Mobility - Packing up your possessions and moving to another town is stressful for anyone. It often means leaving friends behind and no longer having the support of family members. Mobility may also involve additional expenses which can exacerbate an already stressful situation.

4. Isolation and Communication Barriers - Military personnel often feel isolated from their family because of long hours and temporary separations. Further, communication barriers add to an already frustrating lack of contact with family members. During basic training and tours of duty, the isolation and communication barriers are at their greatest.

5. Cultural Differences - Many military men who have served overseas have married women from other countries which introduces life-style differences and creates additional barriers to communication. This usually includes lack of support from friends and family for the women, which in turn creates more dependence on the relationship.

6. Lack of Family Support - Lack of consistent contact with one’s family can produce a special feeling of isolation. It can also put pressure on an individual to create his own family prematurely, which has its own unique set of problems and stresses.

7. Living Abroad - When a family travels with the service member overseas, many problems similar to those discussed above can create stress within the family; isolation; lack of support from friends and family; difficulties in acculturation; increased dependency on a relationship.

8. Lack of Privacy - The military member’s activities are closely monitored by their superiors. During basic training, field maneuvers, and combat situations, service members live and work together. Their activities are continually supervised. If there are problems at home or at work, the commanding officer knows about them.

9. Lack of Command/Military Support - Many in the military describe a double message they receive from command or the military system in general. The first message, "Your family is recognized in that we will offer services for family members to help you keep everyone healthy and happy at home." On the other hand, the second message is, "When it comes right down to it, your work is more important that your family. We really do not want you to bother us about them." Of course, the degree to which these messages are expressed varies from commander to commander; however, the consensus is that these dual messages do exist in one form or another.
(Article by Soakin, Daniel Jay, Del Martin, and Leonore Walker)

IV. COMMON REACTIONS TO STRESS:

PHYSIOLOGICAL:
- Increased adrenaline: perspiration,  high respiratory rate, high heart rate ( pounding), high blood pressure

- Dryness of mouth

- Muscle tension

- Trembling, nervous tics

- Grinding teeth

- Inability to sit quiet - hyper-motivity

- Changes in menstrual cycles

- Migraine headaches

- Changes in diet (loss of or excessive appetite)

- Insomnia, fatigue

- Tight or fluttery stomach.  Diarrhea, indigestion (ulcers, colitis, etc.)

- Cold hands or feet

- Accident prone

- General irritability, hyper-excitation, or depression

- Impulsive behavior, emotional instability

- Floating anxiety with no identified cause

- Stuttering or other speech difficulties

- Overpowering urge to cry or run and hide

- Increased use of alcohol, tobacco, or drugs

- Frequent anger, frustration

- Inability to concentrate

- Slow and erratic recognition

- Increase of errors when made to hurry

- Inability to organize

- Slow judgement

- Forgetfulness, procrastination

Rust Out Zone Optimal Performance Burnout Zone

Boredom Exhilaration Insomnia

Irritability Sharp Perception Can't Concentrate

Overqualified for work High Motivation Frustration, desperation, irritability due to inability

Apathy, lethargy Mental Alertness Accidents, diminished memory

Erratic, interrupted sleep High Energy: waken renewed Alcoholism/ drug dependence

Change in Appetite Improved memory & recall Apathy

Decrease in Motivation Calmness under pressure Confused thinking, Loss of Perspective,  Indecisiveness

Negativity in recall, thoughts Positive, optimistic Hopeless, sense of doom, futility

Withdrawal, absenteeism Involved Withdrawal, strained relationships

 
STRESS LEVEL and its EFFECT ON BEHAVIOR

(Notes)

BURN OUT ZONE: Physical anxiety and mental confusion. An inability to think effectively, to remember instructions or training, or to work out problems clearly and objectively. At high levels panic occurs causing dangerous choices and decisions to be made. Bodily tension might include rapidly beating heart, high blood pressure, excessive perspiration, trembling and feeling faint, churning stomach and indigestion, dry mouth and uneven breathing. Coordination may be impaired and reflexes slowed down. These are all Negative Stress Responses.

OPTIMUM STRESS LEVEL: A feeling of alertness and self-confidence is created. We think and respond quickly and effectively. We perform will and have a feeling of enthusiasm and well being. We are interested and involved in the task which we can carry out in an energetic and easy manner.

RUST OUT ZONE: A lack of interest or enthusiasm for the task in hand. A feeling of depression and futility. A belief that nothing matters anymore and that even the simplest job is a monumental chore. We feel bored and lacking in energy. The world looks drab and gray. We find it very hard to summon up the energy to start new jobs or create fresh interests. These are all Negative Stress Responses.

Since stress cannot be totally avoided, there is virtue in having a variety of stress management strategies available for different conditions. One of the major keys to becoming an effective stress manager is learning that there are alternative dealing with your stressful situations.

A. Here are some alternatives for responding to distressful conditions:

1. DO SOMETHING to change the situation when possible. Prompt, effective action is a great stress reducer.

2. CONSIDER THE MEANING of the situation and examine your assumptions about it.
Is it really worth getting yourself upset?

3. ACCEPT what you cannot change. All of our lives are influenced by events over which we have no control. So relax and enjoy it!

4. TAKE YOURSELF OUT of the stressful situation by:
    - choosing to involve yourself in a relaxing or pleasantly distracting pastime.
    - trying a change of scene; a vacation or even a one-day outing to someplace pleasant can be rejuvenating.
    - using some form of meditation technique to induce relaxation.

5. DIG IN with full vigor and attack a job that needs to be done. Much distress is generated by YOU through procrastination.

6. CREATE a peaceful environment for yourself. It is an asset to have a quiet, private place which can serve as a retreat from the distractions and annoyances of daily living.

7. PRACTICE living in the present. Learn to savor the unique experience each new moment of living has to offer. Quite frequently, distress is perpetuated by polluting the present with disturbing ruminations regarding past or future concerns. Life is full of simple pleasures that are often overlooked. Strive to see and appreciate the beauty and meaning in each moment of your life. By doing so, you can displace stress-producing feelings of worry, guilt, and fear.

8. BUILD a social support system. Nurture the relationships you value by being accepting of others and giving service where you can. Distress is bred in social isolation and from the ensuing sense of alienation from others. It is a generally accepted principle of psychological health that people need to be heard, listened to, valued and understood. For optimal health and personal growth, WE NEED EACH OTHER. This is not a neurotic dependence, but a healthy interdependence!

9. CONSIDER the use of professional counseling, if despite your best coping efforts, you find yourself in a chronic, painful state of distress. The need for such help does not mean you are weak, crazy, or sick. It only means you are HUMAN! There are numerous types of counselors available. Often taking the initiative to seek appropriate help is the first courageous step required for you to pursue a more satisfying, meaningful, and productive life.

10. ELIMINATE AS MANY STRESS SOURCES AS YOU CAN. You cannot remove all of the sources of stress in your life, but you should be able to get rid of some. Turn off the radio and stop the noise. Clear up the clutter in your life by throwing things out. And give up those stressful tasks that you volunteered for when you had extra time. Name five stresses that you could eliminate from your life. Then do something about them. An hour spent removing these causes of stress can give you a thousand less stressful hours in the future.

11. DON’T OVER-REACT if someone at work irritates you. A quiet conversation with that person is less stressful than quitting your job. If someone backs into your car, getting it fixed is less stressful than getting into a fight. When you react to stress with drastic measures, your reaction may often cause you more stress than the original problem.

12. AVOID PREDICTABLY STRESSFUL SITUATIONS. How many times have you put yourself voluntarily into situations that you knew for sure would upset you? Long lines in supermarkets. Busy traffic, parties with people you don’t like, etc. It’s time to recognize that most of these situations can be avoided by planning ahead (for example shopping during off hours) and by learning how to say no to things you really don't want to do.

13. BREAK BIG PROBLEMS INTO LITTLE ONES. If the cause of your stress seems too big to tackle, break it up into manageable parts. If your home is desperately run down, you might fix it up one room at a time. If you are far behind on your bills, you might talk to your creditors about a long-term payment plan. Use the same approach with things that make you tense. Break up your big stress-producing problems into smaller parts that produce less tension and are easier to manage.

14. RECOGNIZE WHAT CAN BE CHANGED, ACCEPT WHAT CANNOT. Wishing things were different won’t make them different and won’t make you any more comfortable about the way things are. When nothing can alter an unpleasant or stressful situation, you will find there is a certain peace in acceptance. Think about the stressful situations in your life that you know you cannot change. Only you can decide whether you will accept each situation as it is, recognizing that your refusal to accept these unchangeable situations means that you will continue to suffer from them.

15. SET GOALS.

     - Fix in your mind exactly what it is you want. Be specific. Instead of thinking, "I want to go back to school," consider what you want to accomplish in school. "I want my bachelor’s degree so I can teach highschool English."       

     - Determine exactly what you are willing to give in return for your goal. In reality there is no such thing as something for nothing. Are you willing to spend the time, the energy,and the money (if necessary) to reach your goal?

     - Establish a definite date when you intend to have accomplished your goal. Be realistic in determining how long it will take you. Don’t set yourself up to become discouraged.

    - Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire. What do you need to do to prepare? What resources need to be gathered? What steps need to be taken along the way?

    - Begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan in action. Do not procrastinate. If it is worth doing, it is worth doing NOW!

    - Write a clear, concise statement of what you want. Set the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return, and clearly describe the plan.

    - Read your written statement aloud twice a day, in the morning and in the evening. Visualize yourself as in possession of your goal. Don't let anyone or anything discourage you. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it.

16. MANAGE YOUR TIME WISELY. Goals lead naturally into the need for time management. Without it, goals are often unmet. Use the following guide when prioritizing.
    "A" - this is a high priority.
    "B" - this is a medium priority.
    "C" - this is a low priority.

Prioritize your goals. Then make a list, prioritizing the activities that will allow you to reach your goals. As you complete an item, mark it off your list. Any "As" left on today's list at the end of the day, begin at the top of tomorrow's list. Delegate all items on the list that can be done by someone else. Always start with "As," even if "Cs" are easier.

17. NEVER PROCRASTINATE. Procrastination promotes anxiety and makes tasks look bigger than they are. If you have an overwhelming "A" in your life, poke a small hole in it every chance you get. Eventually the "A" will become more manageable, and you can concentrate on it and finish with it.

1. Relate to others in a positive, soothing way.
    a. Enjoy some quiet, noncompetitive activities with your family.
    b. Share intellectual, emotional, and recreational pursuits with friends and neighbors.
    c. Build a network of people on whom you can rely if troubled or in times of crisis.

2. Schedule sometime each day for meditation and contemplation. (Contrary to popular opinion, these two are NOT the same.)

     a. Meditation is a technique of clearing the mind. To do this, get in a comfortable position and consciously relax your muscles. Beginning with your feet, work up to your neck and face, and don't forget to include hands and arms. Once relaxation has been obtained, think of a "word" that brings a feeling of peace and comfort. You might think of the word relax, or peace, or love. You might want a visual word like water, sunrise or rest. Doing this twice a day for 10 or 15 minutes at a time will re-energize the body and the mind.

     b. Contemplation, on the other hand, is to consider things intently. Use this time to consider future plans, problems that need attention, and to look for solutions and resolutions.

3. Eat, sleep and exercise properly.
    a. Eat at least one hot meal each day and do not skip breakfast even if you must keep it simple. For optimal functioning, you need three meals a day. Do not get caught up in fad diets. When you eat, plan meals that use all basic food groups. Limit the intake of drinks, foods, and drugs that have caffeine in them: coffee, tea, cola drinks, chocolate, and some headache and cold medicines.

     b. Sleep at least 6-8 hours each night. Have one day a week that you can wake up naturally. c. Exercise regularly. This can be a 20 minute walk an aerobics program, swimming, biking, or anything else that fits into your schedule. Exercise to that point of perspiration at least twice a week - 3 or 4 times a week is better.

4. Recognize that you cannot do everything, all of the time.
    a. Be realistic about time commitments; allow enough time for what must be done.
    b. Do one thing at a time.
    c. Cooperate instead of competing.
    d. Delegate. If you can't do it, ask someone else.

5. Reward yourself every week for just being you.
    a. Read a book.
    b. Go to a play, a concert, a movie.
    c. Enjoy the out-of-doors.
    d. Take a hot, leisurely bath.
    e. Listen to inspiring music.
    f. Paint a picture; write a poem.
    g. Go on a short trip.
    h. Visit a friend.
    i. Do anything you enjoy that has meaning for you, and that is FUN!

In response to numerous requests, Albert Bernstein, PhD, has listed some strategies for avoiding burnout. Dr. Bernstein is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Vancouver, WA. He frequently conducts workshops on subjects such as stress management, burnout and dealing with anger. Here is his prescription:

1. Beware of the name burnout and the subtle mystique that surrounds the disorder. Realize that whatever the job conditions, your mental health is your responsibility. No person or job can make you burn out--you have to do it yourself.

2. Know what your goals are. Don't go anywhere until you know where you're going. Know what your priorities are, especially when conditions change.

3. While you are working on goals and priorities, divide your job into manageable segments that can be accomplished in a given amount of time, and before you do anything, know how much is enough.

4. When problems arise, finding out whose fault they are is easy and even exciting, but definitely not productive. If at all possible, avoid any form of blaming in word, thought, or deed.

5. Learn some technique to induce physical relaxation and practice it daily on the job.

6. Schedule pleasant interludes and follow the schedule, no matter how busy things get. If at all possible, do something unexpected everyday.

7. Pay attention to diet and exercise. Avoid extremes.

8. Expect change and be flexible in response to it.

9. See your job as a problem to be solved rather than a moral issue. Classifying events or people as right or wrong is the first step into trouble.

10. If you're really serious about avoiding burnout, pick a partner and give that person the right to ask you embarrassing questions like: "What are you going to do about it?" This partner is definitely not someone to commiserate with and should, if at all possible be a person who is not suffering from burnout him/herself.

IX. THE FOLLOWING PAGES ARE INCLUDED AS SUGGESTED HANDOUTS FOR A STRESS REDUCTION WORKSHOP:

1. HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE A STRESS-PRONE PERSONALITY
2. BURNOUT INVENTORY
3. MILLER AND SMITH VULNERABILITY SCALE
4. IS YOUR BOSS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH?
5. 13 CAUSES OF ON-THE-JOB STRESS
6. THE ART OF STRESS MISMANAGEMENT
7. LETTING GO and POSITIVE SELF-TALK

HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE A STRESS-PRONE PERSONALITY

Rate yourself as to how you typically react in each of the situations listed below. There are no right or wrong answers.
4 - Always     3 - Frequently     2 - Sometimes      1 - Never

1. Do you try to do as much as possible in the least amount of time?
2. Do you become impatient with delays or interruptions?
3. Do you always have to win at games to enjoy yourself?
4. Do you find yourself speeding up the car to beat the red light?
5. Are you unlikely to ask for or indicate you need help with a problem?
6. Do you constantly seek the respect and admiration of others?
7. Are you overly critical of the way others do their work?
8. Do you have the habit of looking at your watch or clock often?
9. Do you constantly strive to better your position and achievements?
10. Do you spread yourself "too thin" in terms of your time?
11. Do you have a habit of doing more than one thing at a time?
12. Do you frequently get angry or irritable?
13. Do you have little time for hobbies or time for yourself?
14. Do you have a tendency to talk quickly or hasten conversations?
15. Do you consider yourself hard-driving?
16. Do your friends or relatives consider you hard-driving?
17. Do you have a tendency to get involved in multiple projects?
18. Do you have a lot of deadlines in your work?
19. Do you feel vaguely guilty if you relax and do nothing during leisure?
20. Do you take on too many responsibilities?
TOTAL The higher the number, the greater your present stress level.

Respond to this questionnaire by thinking back over the last six months of your life. Read each question and then give yourself a score for each one, ranging from "1" indicating "little or no change" in the last six months in the item, to "5" indicating a "great deal of change" in the item during the last six months. Allow yourself about 30 seconds for a response to each. Then add up the total number of points to the 15 items as your final. score for a maximum of 75.(51 or more means "Burn-out" and that you need to do something for healing quickly).

1. Do you tire more easily? Feel fatigued rather than energetic?                                                              
2. Are people annoying you by telling you, "You don't look too good lately?"                                          
3. Are you working harder and harder and accomplishing less and less?                                                  
4. Are you increasingly cynical and disenchanted?                                                                                   
5. Are you often invaded by a sadness you can’t explain?                                                                       
6. Are you forgetting? (appointments, deadlines, etc.)                                                                             
7. Are you increasingly irritable? More short-tempered?                                                                         
8. Are you seeing close friends and family less often?                                                                              
9. Are you too busy to do even routine things like make phone calls, read reports and send out cards?   
10. Are you suffering from physical complaints? (a lingering cold, headaches, pains etc.)                          
11. Do you feel disoriented when the activity of the day comes to a halt?                                                
12. Is joy elusive?                                                                                                                                  
13. Are you unable to laugh at a joke about yourself?                                                                             
14. Does sex seen like more trouble than it’s worth?                                                                               
15 Do you have very little to say to people?                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                    
Taken from Pelletier, K. R., Healthy People in Unhealthy Places, Delacorte Press/Seymour:
Lawrence, New York, 1984.


A self-assessment inventory was developed by psychologists Lyle H. Miller and Alma Dell Smith at Boston University Medical Center.

How Vulnerable are You to Stress? Score each item from 1 (almost always) to 5 (never), according to how much of the time each statement applies to you.

1. I eat at least one hot, balanced meal a day.   
2. I get seven to eight hours sleep at least four nights a week.   
3. I give and receive affection regularly.   
4. I have at least one relative within 50 miles on whom I can rely.   
5. I exercise to the point of perspiration at least twice a week.   
6. I smoke less than half a pack of cigarettes a day.   
7. I take fewer than five alcoholic drinks a week.    
8. I am the appropriate weight for my height.   
9. I have an income adequate to meet basic expenses.   
10. I get strength from my religious beliefs.   
11. I regularly attend club or social activities.   
12. I have a network of friends and acquaintances.   
13. I have one or more friends to confide in about personal matters.   
14. I am in good health (including eyesight, hearing, teeth).   
15. I am able to speak openly about my feelings when angry or worried.   
16. I have regular conversations with the people I live with about domestic problems, e.g., chores, money and daily living issues.   
17. I do something for fun at least once a week.   
16. I am able to organize my time effectively.   
19. I drink fewer than three cups of coffee (or tea or cola drinks) a day.    
20. I take quiet time for myself during the day.   
TOTAL:

To get your score, add up the figures and subtract 20. Any number over 30 indicates a vulnerability to stress. You are seriously, vulnerable if your score is between 50 and 75, and extremely vulnerable if it is over 75.

IS YOUR BOSS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH?

Below are nine items similar to those that appear in our boss support questionnaire. Write down how much you agree or disagree with the following statements, using this scale:

0 - strongly disagree, 1 - mildly disagree, 2 - mildly agree, 3 - strongly agree.

 
A. I know my boss will stand behind the decision that I make.
B. My boss is willing to sit down and talk things over with me.
C. My boss respects and seeks out my opinions.
D. My boss compliments me on my work.
E. I know I will get full credit from my boss for the ideas that I contribute at work.
F. I can offer criticism to my boss without worrying.
G. I can discuss a personal problem that affects my work with my boss.
H. My boss makes it easier for me to feel on top of what is going on at work.
I.  I feel free to ask my boss to reconsider a decision he/she has made.

TOTAL
Add your responses together to get a total score for boss support. A total score of 21-27
indicates high boss support. 14-20: moderate boss support; 0-13: low boss support.

13 CAUSES OF ON-THE-JOB STRESS

1. Inadequate time to complete a job to one's satisfaction.
2. Lack of a clear job description, or chain of command.
3. Absence of recognition or reward for good job performance.
4. Inability or lack of opportunity to voice complaints.
5. Many responsibilities, but little authority or decision making capability.
6. Inability to work with superiors, co-workers, or subordinates because of basic differences in personality, values, and/or goals.
7. Lack of control or pride over the finished product.
8. Job insecurity due to pressures from within the organization, or the possibility of a take-over or a merger.
9. Prejudice and bigotry due to age, gender, race, or religion.
10. Unpleasant environmental conditions: cigarette smoke and other air pollution, crowding, noise, exposure to chemicals, commuting difficulties, or inadequate/non-working equipment.
11. Not being able to use personal talents or abilities effectively or to their full potential.
12. Problems at home: family worries, financial problems, alcohol/drug/gambling problems.
13. Fear, uncertainty, and doubt of personal abilities.
(Adapted from U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Literature)

THE ART OF STRESS MISMANAGEMENT

Those who want to increase the stress they are under should follow any of the "Top 40" suggestions listed below. The more symptoms you follow, the more stressed you can become. HOW MANY CAN YOU IDENTIFY WITH????

1. Deny that you are experiencing any stress.
2. Ignore any physical signs of stress.
3. Distance yourself from family members, friends and support networks.
4. Avoid exercise; if you must be active don't work up a sweat and don't engage in any aerobic activity more than once a month.
5. Fix blame on others and then try to change them.
6. Get involved in things you don't like to do.
7. Self-medicate with nicotine, caffeine, or other drugs.
8. Have more than 2-3 drinks a day (that can really reduce your perception of stress). Consider drunkenness as something funny, healthy and safe.
9. Allow yourself to get into a rut and stay there.
11. Don't plan. If you must set goals, make them unrealistic.
12. Leave no time for rest and relaxation: evenings and weekends are excellent opportunities to accomplish more and more.
13. Listen to that voice inside your head that says, "You should........"
14. Skip a vacation.
15. Sulk, but don't let people know what you need.
16. Concentrate on how you've been putting off several things that are really low in priority. Then work on them, ignoring the important ones until it's too late.
17. Entertain a lot and try to put on a good "front".
18. Try to run away from your problems.
19. Don’t manage your time.
20. Don’t smile or laugh at life’s absurdities.
21. Pick a fight with a family member by sending a "YOU" message, for example, "You lazy inconsiderate ; you never, (or always)______" .
22. Don't talk with friends or family members about what's bothering you.
23. Avoid seeking help.
24. Be intolerant of anyone else’s behavior.
25. Don't pray about it.
26. Avoid relaxation techniques such as stretching or deep breathing.
27. Don’t delegate; try to do everything yourself.
28. Try to avoid any balance between your work and your family time, or your couple time vs. personal time.
29. Increase your housekeeping standards.
30. Maximize guilt.
31. Don't help others.
32. Believe you’re the only one who has problems.
33. Try to set up negative self-fulfilling prophecies.
34. Overeat as often as you can.
35. Avoid stress management workshops.
36. Get into more and more debt.
37. Have an affair.
38. Watch as much TV as possible.
39. Try to control everything and everybody.
40. Review this list when tempted to deal with your stress.
41. If you missed #10, you are REALLY stressed - here it is - IF YOU SEE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, ASSUME IT'S A TRAIN COMING IN YOUR DIRECTION!

LETTING GO

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and to love more.
                                                                (Author unknown)

POSITIVE SELF-TALK:

"I choose" or "I want" rather than "I have to" or "I must."
"I can’t" usually means "I won’t."
Everyone is fallible.
I feel the way I think. My behavior is a result of my feelings. If I want to change behavior I must first change the way I think.
It takes two to have a fight but sometimes my fights are a result of my internal conflicts.
There are always choices, sometimes two I don’t like, but I always have a choice.