What is stress?

    One definition: stress is the mind and body's reaction to some real or imagined threatening event or situation. Stress is not in our environment, it is what we perceive in our mind and body.  Stress in and of itself is neither positive or negative.  It is our perception of that stimulus which determines whether a situation is stressful. Some event that is exciting and pleasurable to one person may be painfully stressful to another.

    Life without stress would be very boring and deadly: think of life in a nursing home. So our goal is not to eliminate stress, but to learn how to manage it well. To manage it, you have to understand some things about it.

The three basic stages of stress are alarm, then resistance, then exhaustion.

    Alarm: the body's initial physical reaction for flight or fight.

    Resistance: The body tries to cope and adapt to the continued stress, and begins the process of repairing any damage caused by the stress. If the stress can be overcome, the body repairs the damage and the physical signs disappear.    We end up stronger: resistance to the cause of the stress is increased. In other words, you get better with dealing with it.

   Exhaustion. If there is no relief from the stress, the body and mind cannot repair the damage. This can result in emotional, mental and physical problems.

Physical:

    Skin: itching, hives, cold hands or feet, allergies, cold sores.....

    Respiratory: increased breathing or shortness of breath, asthma aggravated by stress, frequent colds...

    Gastrointestinal: indigestion, diarrhea, constipation, cramps, ulcers...

    Musculoskeletal: pains in the lower back and neck, tension headaches, tics, spasms, other muscle aches

    Cardiovascular: increased blood pressure, irregular heartbeats, hardening of the arteries

Behavioral

    Lack of enthusiasm for children, family, work, or life in general

    Withdrawal from people and social events.

    Change in eating habits: extreme weight gain or loss

    Continuously finding fault in self and/or others

    Inability to concentrate

    Forget more

    Clumsy, having more accidents

    Use cigarettes, alcohol and/or drugs more and more

    Frequently explode into anger or crying

Remember, stress is an internal experience. Thus we have some control over it. One key component is what we are telling ourselves during the stress.

Negative Thought Tapes

If I look at one of you and say that you don't look well, and ask if you are feeling all right, that you look feverish: what is your first reaction?  How about if I keep asking, and if others also inquire? Eventually you would probably start feeling whatever symptoms we are promoting.  Our thoughts can affect our body.  In the same way, what we are telling ourselves about a situation impacts how we react to it.

    "I can't do this, this is impossible."  "I am making a fool of myself."  "I will never get this done."  "I am so miserable here."   

What are you telling yourself, without even being really aware of it?  Many of us have internal tapes that keep playing over and over again, in a perpetual loop.  Yet think of the difference in stress between continually telling yourself "this is horrible" versus "this is inconvenient".  Or "I didn't win, but I did my best time yet" versus "I am a failure."

To modify your inner tapes:

    - first, make an intentional effort to notice the connection between a stressor and what you are thinking. What emotions are being generated? Why?

    - second, ask yourself:  is the thought helping or hurting me?    A slogan on a T-shirt said "Second Place is First Loser."   That can be a motivator or can destroy your sense of worth.  If you didn't finish first but ran your best time yet, are you a loser? A dirtbag?

    - third, start targeting a specific behavior or reaction, set a goal on how you want to modify it, begin using constructive self-talk, and see if there are indeed other options to solving the stressor.  If it appears hopeless, ask yourself what are you mentally saying are "givens" that may in truth be adjustable?

Lessons from Prisoners of War

    - don't give anything or anyone more power over you than they really have.  They are not God, they do not have absolute power.  They are not all-knowing, and contrary to the propaganda they may be saying, they are not invincible.    Just because they are saying you are scum, know your value inside yourself. Affirm it.

    - network: give and seek support.

    - keep growing, learning. Have something "other" in your life to get the mind off yourself and your problems, to keep balanced.

           Do you have hobbies and other interests besides work, to give you balance?  Or are you going to work, going home, watching TV, going to bed, going to work, going home, watching TV.....

     - Reclaim power and control over your life. Even if you are a POW, there are ways to take back control.

           For stress management: what skills can you learn about time management, budgeting, conflict management, marital communication, how to be assertive without being aggressive,    etc. etc., which would reduce the power of something that is stressing you?    Remember, much of stress is caused by fear: the fight or flight response. Reduce the sense of powerlessness, of being threatened, and you reduce your stress. 

    - be future oriented, without postponing growth and life in the present.

    - develop a strong faith life

    - humor is crucial. "He who can laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused."

Main Goal: act, don't react.  Plan ahead, including having a Plan B.

If there is a pattern of setting yourself up for problems, or if the baggage from your past is interfering too much with the present, GET HELP.  (Ex. Adults Abused as Children, Adult Children of Alcoholics.) 

In real tough times, during times of crisis:

    - give yourself credit for being human.  Intentional self-care is crucial.

    - know that your mind is not fully functioning.  Remember the symptoms of Over Stress/ Burnout. So to extent possible, don't make any major life changes or life decisions until things calm down.

    - follow the AA motto: "One Day at a Time."

    - and know that this, too, shall pass.

Project:

Over the next week, keep a log of how you spend your time.  Then draw a pie chart and divide it according to how your week was spent. What percentage was work? TV? Sleep? Exercise? Time with friends or family? Then figure out how you would like to re-proportion it to have more balance. Plan for some adjustments. As the saying goes, "If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up someplace else."

Take control and responsibility for your life. Stress can be managed, even to the point where it helps you grow! The choice is yours.

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