The dictionary definition of jealousy is the fear of being displaced in affection, or the distrust of the fidelity of a beloved person, such as a husband, a wife or a lover. This can also occur in friendships or as children with our siblings. We all, if we haven't buried it, have experienced some degree of jealousy. There is the story of the man who was asked if he had ever been jealous and his reply was no. He was then asked had he ever been in love and his reply was no. My guess is that this man was far removed from his feelings.

To experience jealousy, we must first have feelings for another person. If you don't care about someone you really don't care what they do, therefore, jealousy doesn't enter the picture.

But, if you do care about someone or you have your security tied up in another person then jealousy can rear its ugly head.

Once you know that the feeling behind jealousy is fear you can recognize it as such and take it out and examine it. Is the fear that you are going to be replaced or is it that the other person is going to share a part of him or herself with another and you need it all? It's fine to need it all, you just need to know that this is your need. Once you can identify your needs you can communicate this to your partner and if it fits with them you've got a match. If not, that area isn't compatible and then you get to do some thinking and decide how important that area is to you. Are you willing to compromise or are you steadfast in those feelings?

If your desire is to be monogamous and your partner wants to have many people in their life, decide if that works for you right at the beginning and communicate your feelings. If you know that being monogamous is your thing and if it's the opposite for your partner, why put yourself through the pain of jealousy? Accept that it's okay for you to want monogamy and it's okay for the other person to want many partners and walk away. You will find someone who is also looking for monogamy.

Jealousy can be any object that takes your partners interest, time or money away from you. It could be a sport, it could be a friend or friends in general, it could be an animal, it could be a job or it could be their family or children. The list could go on and on and I'm sure you have some that could be added, but for right now let's say that there are many things, both tangible and intangible that you can be jealous about.

After you have looked at your own fears regarding the loss that you feel you are experiencing, communicate that to your partner and explain to them how it makes you feel. In a healthy relationship, your partner listens to your feelings and shares his or her own feelings about why those events are happening. The two of you can talk them out and if one of you sees how this is affecting the other and is willing to change and can change that behavior, you've both got what you wanted. A happy relationship with both give and take. If one partner isn't willing to change completely then a compromise can be made. Perhaps one of the partners has a friend that they like to spend a lot of time with and this evokes jealousy in you. A compromise could be to cut the time down that is spent with that friend - you see, we're not talking about controlling another person here, but getting needs met on both sides.

A common cause of jealousy is flirting. This can happen with both men and women. If this is the cause of the jealousy that's affecting your relationship, and you are the one doing the flirting, it is time to look at why you are exhibiting that behavior. Are you doing it to evoke the jealousy of your partner in order to feel wanted? Is this your way of getting other people to like you? When other people respond to your flirting is this how you know that you are wanted?

If it's your partner that is doing the flirting and it makes you uncomfortable and you've shared your feelings about it and it doesn't change, you must then question if this is the relationship for you.